She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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