just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize