got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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