I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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