Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
