I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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