Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just found a bag of teeth...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
