I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We got so high we made milksteak
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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