I feel great
I just peed on a car
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
