My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Can I color on your dick again?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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