where am i from again
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
