I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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