I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Randomize