i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
