i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize