i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
