I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
