this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
