I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
