Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
