He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
