also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
