saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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