Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
