I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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