theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
