Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
