loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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