Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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