where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
