My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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