I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
