we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
don't judge my taste in strippers
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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