i jhust puked up my retainher.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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