After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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