This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
