Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
