Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
