God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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