My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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