I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you didnt know i had herpes?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
