I just cut my nipple shaving
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
