Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
