I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize