More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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