i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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