i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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