Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
