Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Randomize