I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
