DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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