she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Randomize
