Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
