the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
