I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
