the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
