WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
