one word: firstdatebathroomanal
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
