he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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