We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
