fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It's blow job season.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
