If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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