Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize