Yo dont text me then not text me
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
