i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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