I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
