I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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