that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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