Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
