sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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