hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
