I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
