I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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