its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
